I received an unexpected email (that's an inside joke for Michael)... on Wednesday from a staff member at Good Samaritan Hospital. This is the hospital where I was an in-patient for 3 weeks doing physical and occupational therapy. I also spent one month there as an out-patient doing physical and occupational therapy. After spending so much time at the hospital, they did get to know me pretty well.
She asked me if I would be interested in helping out another patient there in the hospital. Immediately I replied that I would love to help in any way I could. So yesterday afternoon, I went back to the hospital and met with an in-patient there. Our stroke stories are very similar in nature although very different. But bottom line, what we had in common was the fact that our strokes struck both of us at a very early age. Mine was at age 37, hers was at age 27.
I remembered the isolating feelings last year of being in the hospital with other stroke victims who were much older than I was. So the two of us could relate on that level. It is hard to find that connection and common ground with anyone else in the hospital until they've walked in the moccasins...an expression my Mom used to say all the time.
I won't say her name to protect her privacy. But we sat across the table from each other and talked for an hour. Her boyfriend was by her side just as Michael was by mine. She had tears in her eyes as we spoke, sometimes bursting outloud with cries of saddness and frustration.
I offered her comfort by telling her that I understood her saddness, I understood her feelings of loss, I understood her feelings of grief, I understood her frustrations, I understood how hard therapy is to go through. All the while she kept saying yes in agreement.
Her speech was affected in her stroke so words were hard for her too. One frustration I did not have to deal with. Her stroke was 2 blood clots located at her brainstem which affected both sides of her body. Another frustration I did not have to deal with. She's been in the hospital 3 months already with another month to go. Another frustration of time I did not have to deal with.
But we could sit across from each other, me in my chair and her in her wheelchair, and know that we shared something traumatic that no one else in the room knew what it was like.
I told both of them the story that when I was in the hospital, sitting in the wheelchair, I was afraid Michael would leave me. Who wouldn't married or not? And I said to Michael, "you didn't sign up for this." He said to me, "I signed up for this the very first time I said I love you." I knew right then that things would be ok.
Her boyfriend said the same thing. I saw Michael in his eyes as he looked at her. They've been together for 6 years, unmarried and he hasn't left her side through this whole ordeal. He seemed very comitted to her as Michael was to me. It was great to see that kind of love as an outsider looking in this time.
I offered another bit of advice that Mom always said. When you feel like you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
I plan on going back to visit them again before she is released from the hospital. I hope this will encourage her more as she has encouraged me.
Before I left, I spoke with the therapists about a support group for survivors. Sounds like they want to start one at the beginning of the year focusing on young survivors of stroke. I said sign me up, I'm there!
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